Sex Sent Me to the ER

That’s a TV show, not a personal comment, thankfully.

If you haven’t had a chance to watch this TLC show, take a chance and do so.  It’s on at 10 PM Saturday nights (which might explain why you haven’t seen it).

Best.  Show.  Ever.

The premise is pretty much in the title: real people talk about some sexual escapades that landed them in the ER.  Sometimes, it’s the ER folk themselves who tell the tales.  Those are particularly funny (more later).  Every week they present three tales.  The couples or the ER folk do a running commentary with dramatized reenactments (not the sex itself, though.  For that they show things bouncing around, rolling off the nightstand, all that kind of thing).  Naturally, some are funnier than others.

Some of the things that people do, well, it’s funny, weird and not a little bit scary. Sometimes it’s the actual act that lands them in the ER.  More typically it’s something that happens while having sex that does it.

The first time I saw the show my mother had it on.


The particular tale that I walked in on was about a man who had a vibrator stuck in his butt.  He landed in the ER, oh, about 2 hours after it first got lodged in there.  Think about that.  2 hours with a running vibrator in your bum.  I’d say that’d probably be a bit uncomfortable.  Why did they wait that long?

My mother’s comment after hearing what brought the guy to the  ER was ‘I wonder how they wrote that up.’  Meaning for insurance purposes.  She was a nurse, so that kind of thing makes her a bit curious.

Another storyline had a couple who used glowsticks, those chemical lights you see at ballgames and firework shows, as sex toys.  It, too, got lodged, this time in the woman’s vagina (actually it landed in her bladder which was truly weird).  While spelunking (exploring a cave).  Insert your own joke here (no pun intended).

I think the moral of this is that if you use sex toys, MAKE SURE THEY HAVE A HANDLE.

It takes all kinds.

What’s fascinating to me is that these people wind up in the ER and won’t tell the ER folks what caused the problem.  I mean if you’re in the ER, something’s obviously wrong, right?  Wouldn’t you be more interested in, I don’t know, getting healed, than whatever momentary/temporary embarrassment you might experience?

The woman with the glowstick dilemma, however, was still different.  On entering the ER, she shouted “there’s a glowstick in my vagina!”  In the dramatization, all eyes in the ER turned to her.  Then everyone went back about their business.

Which goes to show that healthcare personnel have probably heard just about everything.

Sometimes while laughing my fool head off, I’m also shaking my head when hearing both what happened and also the people’s running commentary.  Aren’t they embarrassed? Don’t they have any shame?


And that’s why it’s the Best.  Show.  Ever.


About flatpickingjd

Just your average, liberal vegetarian redneck. Yes, I'm a liberal. Proudly so. I see nothing wrong with that and wear that label with pride. Yes, I'm a vegetarian. I used to be fat, very fat. Then I started taking care of myself, lost a bunch of weight and found it easier to keep that weight off by not eating meat. Or cheese. Or eggs. Or any good stuff. Man, I miss pizza. And, yes, I'm a redneck. I like camping and fishing, listen to bluegrass music and live (from time to time) in the south(west). So, yup, I'm just your average, liberal vegetarian redneck. Serious details about me: I make my living as a lawyer. My practice focus is business law, but I've dabbled in other areas including personal injury, family law, real estate, and water law. I also hold three master's degrees with plans to earn a doctorate. I hope you enjoy your time here, and feel free to comment!
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